Strength

During the past few weeks I have had my strength tested several times. The #metoo campaign brought very vivid memories flooding back. One night my boyfriend woke me from a nightmare. Apparently I was kicking violently in my sleep. I think he was grateful I was laying on my back and kicking up instead of kicking him.

This month is also Breast Cancer Awareness and I have been fighting since 1996. It’s my 3rd battle and will be on Herceptin and Perjeta for life. I found out this month that I have Hashimoto’s, which is a thyroid autoimmune disease. One of my thyroid nodules showed up on the PET scan and was given an ultrasound. The doctor decided it was best to biopsy. I go in two days for that. My liver counts tend to skyrocket, then go back to just above normal. They went up again, and because the area is also tender, I’m am getting a liver CT next week. My body pain comes from muscle craps, but mostly comes from my spine. I have degenerated discs from my neck to shoulder blades, a bulging disk and a slipped disc have caused a condition called cervical kyphosis. These on top of few other stresses have been a mental struggle. I have learned to stop, take a breath and look at the good things about my life.

I read so many #metoo stories from women who had experienced assault so much worse than mine. It doesn’t take away from my trauma, but I think of the girls who lived that abuse every day by family members, the girls sold into human trafficking who are raped repeatedly… that is horror. The stories of survival from women like that give me inspiration. You can heal from anything.

I do the same when I am afraid before my health tests. I may have had hard battles and been told I would die not once, but twice, and I think to myself, ” I can do this. I can make it through any battle.” I am strong willed even as my body gets weaker, but I can still drive, and shop alone. I even helped my daughter move this past weekend and helped with the baby. The more I move, the more energy I have though I have to soak in epsom salts and essential oils, and take a pain pill to sleep! There are many out there struggling with so much worse.

Always look on the positive and find inspiration. I made these (not my quotes, but my designs) and I feel they go with mental, health, and abuse strength.