I have to remember what I tell others, “Don’t be ashamed of your story. It will inspire others.” I looked through pictures today for this blog. It was tough on many levels.  Remembering what I have endured, scrolling through pics with a guy I truly thought was my soulmate but left me, and looking at the places I’ve gone and things I have done and realizing my energy is deteriorating.

Since my last cycle of hard chemo my hair has been thin and patchy. It grows just thick enough for hair fillers, then falls out. I shave it, it grows back, it falls out. My first two cycles in 1996 then 2001 – 02 my hair grew back thick full and beautiful.

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I don’t know if it was the Taxotere, the Perjeta I’ve been on since or that I have Hashimoto’s too. All have hair loss side effects. I just know I want my hair back.  I’ve tried everything. Biotin, hair skin and nails supplements, black castor oil treatments, biotin shampoos, Nioxin … and others. If anyone has another idea, let me know.

I have spent a small fortune in wigs. I have many varieties, but mostly just buying the same style over and over because the wear out so fast. I’ve bought expensive ones but may favorite are from Arda Wigs and Epic Cosplay  Their wigs run about $30 – 40 and last as long as the $300 ones I’ve had.  They are also heat tolerant so I can straighten or curl them. Hair fillers are also very expensive. I’ve found Toppik to be the least messy and doesn’t clump or run in the rain.

Here is a few (Ha!) examples of me with fillers, scarves and wigs in the last 5 years.

Hair loss is going to be a challenge for me now that I am single. My boyfriend and I were together for over 13 years. Trying to date and explain I have patchy hair on top of living with metastatic cancer is going to be tough. I may live out my days single. At first I was okay with that, but as time goes on, I’m feeling lonely. The thought of dating also terrifies me! I guess time will tell.